Sunday, July 30, 2006

Kudos to Ajay

I'd like to broadly announce my appreciation and adoration for/of Ajay for hanging out in Delhi with our children, waiting for the end of my Ladakhi adventure so that we may begin OUR year in India.

I love you forever Ajay.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

One Day in New Delhi

Once upon a time I woke with two tiny kids in my bed who didn’t start there the night before. One was fast asleep and the other was tugging at me and whispering. A blissful moment it would have been, without the splitting headache I had from staying out too late last night and not drinking enough. Water, that is, and too late to have three tiny kids out with me, wedged against me in the careening taxi. Bless Satya for falling asleep in the car. And Violet and Tara for quickly following suit after a bath.

So on that day I woke up (after a week of springing out of bed to attend to the wee ones) only to lie there, miserable, for an hour or so while they fended (quite nicely) for themselves. Then a bite of guava, vomited, later a sip of water and bite of banana and threw it up, and knew I wasn’t taking them to the swimming pool after breakfast. It was going to be a home day. I was awake for about an hour – long enough to thank goodness for class privilege and the cook it has brought into our lives; Ramreet made the kids breakfast as I staggered away to dry heave at the sink for a couple of minutes and fall back into bed. I’m certain no little teeth were brushed, but the kids will live to see another day anyway.

What happened next? Oh, yes, saved by technology. So today yours truly, the downwardly-mobile Luddite ate humble pie and slept while the kids watched Young Black Stallion on the tube. Or is it a plasma screen.

Woke up in time to play some with Tara and put her to sleep while briefing our new nanny, Manju (the kids call her Didi, but as yet have no visible fondness for her of course). She’s worried that the job will not suit her because of the language gap and I can’t blame her. I also wonder if my kids are more rambunctious than the norm. Anyway we’re checking each other out. She’s a little quiet – I hope she’ll rev up and be able to play with / manage the kids.

Managed to hold down a little lunch, failed to get Satya or Violet to nap, and then packed V off to play with cousin Mehek down the street. (She came back hours later with red tight elastic marks from having worn Tara’s tiny underwear. Note to self to check her when she dresses herself.) Popped in Cinderella for Tara and Didi to watch while I failed to get Satya to nap. But managed an hour of sleep myself. I think Hukum Singh and Taoji and Ramreet enjoyed Cinderella too. Thanks to Meghna for the DVD player.

Off to Vijay and Sonali Primlanis’ place to play – got my best aerobic workout in months (sad but true) playing soccer with young Dev against Vijay and Satya. Then a couple more hours of excellent play in the park, mostly swings and slide for Tara and Violet, and soccer and chase for Satya, (and with Manju standing by, having her offers of help snubbed and meeting the other nannies), ending with a family closing circle – intention: to honor earth and sky and end our day – reality: satya and violet clobbering each other.


In to a simple meal of dal, rice, yogurt and boiled veggies. Violet was in her own world – because of the underpants no doubt. Tara as usual ate almost nothing (has lived for months mainly on the milk I give her at night and on popcorn). Satya ate a ton of spinach.

After a toffee quickly off to baths and bedtime, one fight over toy Indian flags subdued,etc etc etc. Good thing I’m almost to the end of the story because midnight will come and the blog god forbid will have tomorrow’s date on it

After dragging Manju through the post-bedtime cleanup routine was done for the day and ready to blog when Sukumar called on his way here from the airport – got things lined up for him, and we had a chat when he got here and that’s about it.

Took Violet to pee and started typing and here I am. Tara woke a few minutes ago for milk and to pee. I’d better quit while I’m still awake and not drooling on the keyboard.

For future blogs (by request)?
Insecticides
The class divide, including: Who Sits?, Separate but Equal Dishes, and Musings on Color
Kids and Hindi
Zero to Five household staff in 3 seconds flat

by Ajay

We made it. (Date: Friday July 21)

Here we are in Delhi after FINALLY getting out of California. What a push that was. More on that later. First, impressions of our arrival.

We left the plane (last of course) and wheeled our wheelies up the jetway. Satya stopped and turned to Violet with a smile and encouragement to take in the scent. It was definitely there: the scent of India that is exported and sometimes never washes out of clothes, books , etc. And it was moist and not nearly as strong as I had expected. We all smiled. They had looked forward to this for so long. Ganesh welcomed us to the terminal and I was struck by how peaceful the place was and familiar. I expected it to be jostling, loud and a little intimidating. But it was simple, small and friendly.

On the (slow, sweaty) ride home with the kids on/around our laps they were thrilled to see and count the cows on the roadside, the chickens the “cycles” as Tara call the motorcycles.

High in the Himalayas

by Sara

Here I am sitting in a cybercafe in Leh, Ladakh I've just recovered enough from the altitude change to walk more than 10 feet uphill and not be winded. And what an altitude change it is! Leh is at about 12,000 feet which is considerably less than the 17,582 ft pass our rickety bus traversed just before sundown two days ago.

Wow. Where to start.... Ajay, Satya and Violet dropped me off at an apartment in central Delhi whence began my journey with a terrific bunch of folks from all over India but united by Shikshantar. Let me introduce them a bit, now that I have gotten to know them quite well on this marathon bus trip through neverland.
  • Sumi, mother of two living in Ahmnebad, Gujurat - brilliant smile, raised in Kerala (with a strong hand, I should add, as apparently most children are... told to get educated or else). Now planning to build a collapsible bunk bed out of tires and (?).
  • Vishal - crazy, happy-go-lucky sweetheart from Udaipur who makes art, furniture, you name it out of garbage.
  • Nitin - the elder in the group, well-travelled, chocolate lover with from Nasik, Maharastra.
  • Panji, sweet charmer (read: bachelor) farmer from Udaipur.
  • Sanjay - the least crazy of the bunch, but still a fine sense of humor -has a 9 month old daughter and lives in Madhya Pradesh.
  • Navin - Funny, has-a-theory- for-every-phenomena "independent researcher" from Chennai.
  • Madan, tall farm-family scholar/photographer.
  • Sandeep, just married 3 days before \trip (so what's he doing here?), sweet, pudgy guy works with Nitin in Nasik.
  • Sangeeta - small powerhouse, singer, mother - originally took her for demure, but now I can see there is much more there!
  • And finally, Manish - or Manish Baba- a named he earned giving impromptu "sweat lodge" treatments on the bus (wrapped up willing participants in my sleeping bag and encouraged them to breath deeply for at least 5 minutes- quite refreshing actually).
Manish, Vishal and Panji and I think Madan all currently live in Udaipur. The others are part of a self-formed group that meets every two months somewhere in India to discuss their lives and projects - complete with their families usually. (All are married except Vishal, Panji and Navin). And they usually set up these meetings around some event, like this ISEC conference.

The journey was surreal. Freeway ride past vast landfills north of Delhi leading into verdant fields and grazing and bathing water buffalo - amazingly sleek animals - black, horned shiny animals that provide most of the milk in India. Travelled all night through Himachal Pradesh and in the morning began the real ascent. Climbing through the Kullu Valley - the land of honeymoons - the terrain was lush - pine and palm trees intermingled, vines hanging from the cliffs, fast flowing river below. In Manali, the palm trees gave way to orchards of luscious pears and slightly dry apples (had a chance to stop for some - peeled of course). In some parts there were no obvious inhabitants and then suddenly there would be construction equipment and materials on every curve, building houses high on the cliff side.

And we kept going up up up. The vegetation changed so often its hard to recollect now - but I do remember many waterfalls off huge rock faces, a very windy road and alpine wildflowers, low and patchy. This must be the most abundant time of year to travel - in full bloom. In fact, I believe the road from Manali is closed after September. We passed huts displaying full-body snow suits and long fuzzy coats for sale. And I even saw some wearing them (the fuzzy coats) but I was still dressed and comfortable in my sundress that was almost too much in humid Delhi. It took about 10 hours between Manali and our night stopover. The drive was interrupted by brief snack stops for aloo paranthas (overwhelmingly greasy) and tent cities set up along the side of the road.

That night we stopped in Keylang (sp?) for a much needed rest - mostly to move our legs and arms in some uncramped way. The air had cooled and most were feeling the altitude. I had to walk very slowly up hill. We had a relaxed and bountiful meal of Tibeten momo (dimsum-like dumplings) noodle soups, garlic potatoes and chocolate rice pudding.

We began again at 5 am for the "easy" part of the journey - 16 hours overland through glacial mountains and desert. Within an hour we came to a halt where the road was covered with 10-75lb wet rocks and mud and a jeep stuck in the middle of that. Within two or three hours, all hands had helped move the jeep out, and we were able to switch buses with a local bus trapped on the other side of the mudslide. Not much different from our "long distance" bus. And the dirver made sure to transfer his tape player and amplifier (not your ordinary speaker!).

We had expected to stop for breakfast but now that was to wait a bit - I'm not sure if we got a meal before 3pm that day, but we sure did break out all the snacks we carried with us. Our group made the bus ride festive - always sharing and occasionally even dancing to the blaring hindi film music keeping the driver awake. Some times we were travelling up one river valley or another, sometimes just climbing switchback after switchback. Once we saw a bicyclist!!! and were awed by his determination. Every few hours we would be surprised to see a row of tents staked at the side of the road offering hot food and wool hats. The breaks became quite short - usually having to choose between food or bladder relief. (I choose food on these occasions, becuase it is possible to have the bus stop elsewhere for the other!)

Now we were marking the altitude - 14,000 ft, 15,000 ft.
We would pass barren moutainsides of scree for hours and then somewhere along the line there would be oasis-like shallow lakes.
At one point we were back travelling on one side of a river valley and suddenly you could see terraced fields! Plateaus of farmland kind of flowing down from the mountain. It is so difficult to describe particularly with the vast changes taking place over this 3 day journey. I took a few photos but hardly enought to tell the story. We crossed "the glacier" at Rohtang Pass which was windswept and rainy and populated by a hundred saddled ponies waiting for I'm not sure exactly what.

Twice I was asked for my passport at one of these tent stops. We were now in Jammu Kashmir, and almost all the oncoming traffic was army trucks or tankers. We stocked up on plastic water bottles each time, although it seemed that the glacial water melt would be far better. Occasionally we would pass roadcrews seemingly abandoned hours away from any vehicle, and shoveling rocks off the road or preparing asphalt on burning charcoal beds.

My memory is quickly fading on the details. But I stayed healthy and happy, well prepared for the hail at 17,000 ft with my fleece, wool hat and down sleeping bag. I shared what extra warmth I had packed with some of my less-prepared companions from the Indian plains.

And then, well after sundown, civilization appeared with a vengeance. Suddenly it was just like any other Indian city. Actually it was an army base - full shops, restaurants, houses, ditches, etc. It was shocking after nearly falling off of mountain cliffsides. We arrived in Leh at 10 pm and our bumbling taxi drivers (had to rattle the connections on the battery under my seat to restart the van each time they stopped to retrace steps or ask more directions) took over an hour to travel 15 minutes to our hard-to find guest house.

But here we are now, in a Ladakhi home, in Sankar Village, just above Leh, surrounded by bubbling streams and home gardens of cauliflower, turnips, carrots, potatoes, swiss chard and other greens, barley and wheat. We had a midnight dinner of Ladakhi flat noodle soup and chard. And in the morning we were greeted by a lush inhabited countryside flanked by these monstrous mountains speckled with monasteries.

Yesterday I met and walked with Helena Norberg Hodge, author of Ancient Futures and founder of The Ladakh Project, promoting traditional Ladakhi culture and farming in the face of a practically cosmopolitan city brimming with adventure outfitters and young fit tourists. In the evening I proudly walked the 30 minutes uphill without losing my breath. That will be the extent of my trekking in Ladakh.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Home sweet home in New Delhi

I could do worse. Two weeks in a full-size house in a desirable New Delhi neighborhood. Tightly knit neighborhood chock full of relatives. Little cousins that Satya and Violet play with -- toys and sports equipment freely lent to us, which we used in the large dry basement during today's downpour (after they played with abandon in the rain, and before heading to the park immediately behind the house).

I could do better.
My soul doesn't belong here.
And besides, I think i left my passport at the bank today.

Some food for thought:
In a park full of small children, i am usually the only parent -- the other adults being full-time nannies.

Sara is en route to remote Ladakh with a contingent heading for this conference: http://www.isec.org.uk/pages/ladakh-conf.html, along with some folks from Shikshantar, http://www.swaraj.org/shikshantar/.

Looking forward to setting up shop in Udaipur two weeks from now and to making good on the promise of goats.

ajay

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Up, up and away ?

Korean Air Flight 24, dep. San Francisco at 2:40 pm today. Spent most of last night packing the last bags, and sorting through neglected paperwork, including the emptying of old receipts and my fishing license out of my wallet. This morning -- scrambling with loose ends an hour before leaving for the airport -- got word of the railway bombings in Mumbai (our destination) http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/1731631.cms and decided to scrub the mission for now, fearing perhaps foolishly that the city could explode into the violence of reprisals, as has happened often enough elsewhere in India and the world. So here we sit at my folks' place, quite safe from the roughness present just beyond the boundaries of our normal lives. Told the kids that the airplane had engine trouble. They decided that it's just as well to wait for a plane with reliable engine, since you can't just pull over to the side of the road in mid-flight. Our alibi sure beat explaining the nature of covert terrorism and of brutal mobs to such little people. At some point the veil will certainly rise.

Looks now that the event was horrific for those attacked, and their loved ones, but didn't trigger an unhinging of the city. So go ahead and in hindsight call us paranoid.

We have reservations for next Tuesday, the 18th -- and will make the most of the time with a few days camping, hiking, swimming like we'd hoped to do in June.

Not foreseeing this change in plans, we almost bought a nonrefundable ticket for travel from Mumbai to Udaipur next week. I'm glad that we didn't, since we'd have lost it -- but i will be digging through the trash for my fishing license tonight.

Ajay

Monday, July 10, 2006

Prayer for the New Year

O Thou
who abidest in our hearts
most merciful and compassionate God
Lord of heaven and earth

We forgive others their trespasses
and ask Thy forgiveness of our shortcomings

We begin this new year
with pure heart and
with clear conscience
with courage and hope

Help us to fulfil the purpose of our lives
under Thy divine guidance

Amen

(Hazrat Inayat Khan)

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Why we are going - part 2

by Ajay
Staying three nights at Greg and Julia's: celebrating independence day, shoveling out my classroom and office, and taking care of our house. One joy and 2 medium-large hassles.
Getting our visas for the year was smooth and easy thanks to two angels.
Now my hope - may it not be in vain - is to shut our suitcases Saturday and have two days to chill with the kids before our flight. Maybe go fishing, go sailing. Dadima says it's hopeless.
Boy, I never thought miscommunication could be so robust until reading Sara's words about my motives in the first post on this blog. Immediately I wondered how to correct the posting, but then realized that, as Sara says, she's unclear on my motives, and the words are hers, not ours. So now her name is on the post, not just ours. Any attempt to merge our identities is doomed.
At least consciously, i believe i'm going for the richness it will give our lives rather than as a stopgap, henpecked, relaxing escape. More on this when it's daytime.

How transparent to make the blog?





Tuesday, July 04, 2006

We G.O.O.D. (Got Out of Davis)!

by Sara

The beginning of our journey was a slow and somewhat painful one - uprooting ourselves from a loving community that has really been coming together for us in the last couple of years, the place we call "the golden handcuffs:" Davis, California.

Today we celebrated 4th of July by swimming at the Rec Pool, and hanging out with friends in their yard: splashing, eating great food, mudpiling, drinking odd colored malt beverages and then heading to our favorite fireworks viewing spot on the greenbelt for what Tara called "fun!" (she was the best "ooh-ah"-er in the crowd!) It was the kind of day I will miss.

Last week we moved out of our house - about 10 minutes before someone else moved in! And during the weekend of our move we visited an intentional community in Sonoma, went to a wonderful dinner party, and had the best going-away party ever (the kid's just seemed to have so much fun in the park, and even I was relaxed!). Life in Davis actually felt quite good.

And to top that, we even had what really should be called a "rooting ceremony." I had several important family artifacts that needed a permanent home: our beloved dog's ashes (Mawball's - the greatest family canine ever!)in our fireplace puja corner, both Violet and Tara's placentas (from their home-births at 221 Lindo) in the freezer )and I couldn't very well leave those ziplocs for the tenant), and a native Buckeye tree that I had started from seed in Oakland* waiting in a neglected black plastic pot.

So, I thawed out the placentas, took a handful of soil from under the Fuyu tree where Satya's placenta was buried**, dusted off the cedar box with Mawball's tags and ashes, gathered all the piles of rocks and shells and feathers that we all had collected over the years and piled in our rooms, our puja corner, the bathrooms, etc., and called Ajay, Satya, Violet and Tara together in the backyard. The bunnies, Puff and Scruff, (now lovingly cared for by our GodBlessHerFantasticHousekeeper Leticia) had recently vacated the Northwest corner of our yard, in just the spot, beneath the redwoods that I had sometime ago planned to plant the Buckeye in, so their feces contributed too.

We gathered in a circle around the hole, spread the ashes, examined the placentas (Tara's still had it's cord; Violet's had been dried in the shape of a heart by her midwife, Amy), sprinkled Satya's soil, filled the hole, and watered the tree and then placed all our stones, shells, and feathers all arond the base of the tree. Ajay said it felt like a fist in his belly - having this thoughtful, and rooting ceremony, during the last hour of our time in our family home. For me it was closure. I had put off dealing with all these pieces of our life, waiting for the "right" place to plant them, presumably in someother house that would satisfy me. And now we were leaving, and Davis was the right "home" for all these things, even if not necessarily for me. As they say: "only time will tell." I am so curious to know if we will return to 221 Lindo Place, or even to Davis.


* After unhappily leaving a marriage counseling session one weekday morning in the late '90s, I drove right past my workplace in Emeryville, across the Bay and Golden Gate Bridges and up into Marin until the greenery slowed me down. I found myself at the Spirit Rock meditation center, and after re-balancing myself under the blessed shade of it's parent tree, I picked up this giant chestnut-looking seed of what I later learned was a Buckeye tree - a sprawling native Californian tree with fragrant white flowers. On that same morning, I also discovered an amazing 100 year old Magnolia tree that was encircled by a 75-foot radial ring of its offshoots.

** His placenta was actually buried under an orange tree on his third birthday, but that didn't survive, so we took soil from there to plant the Fuyu!

Why we are going

by Sara

Too many of our friends have known for too long that we (or more truthfully - "I") didn't want to stay in Davis for the long haul. This decision - to pack up our three little children and move to India for one year - is a challenge for me to examine my rationale for deploring a hot, flat, dry Californian landscape, and an opportunity to escape suburban motherhood. I'm not that clear on Ajay's reasons for going, but I suspect it to be somewhat of a stop-gap measure to prevent us from making a "major move" decision he will regret; to appease my constant whining; and to get a break himself. One motive of mine is to offer him an opportunity to pursue goals beyond bread-winning and public school education. Another is for goals beyond bread-baking and running sibling interventions.

I think we both agree that the year will be critical to building character for our children. We want to give them an early glimpse of how different life can be (including how lucky they are!) from middle-class America. And we want them to have a real idea of what their Indian heritage means. Not just a three week trip every couple of years, but an honest extended look at life in India. Children do learn from stories, but even more from experience.

Satya, age 6 has just finished one year of Waldorf kindergarten; Violet, age 4, has attended the same loving Waldorf pre-school that Satya went to (kicking and screaming), and even Tara, 22 months this week, knows the sweetness of the friends, care-givers and teachers who are dedicated to raising the whole child. Satya is on the verge of losing his innocence - already rebelling and teaching his sisters potty words. Still doesn't know what Disney is, who Batman is, or even what a monster is. But with school, and I won't be so naive as to think he won't learn these things in India too! - the magic years are coming to a close, and his sisters' experiences will reflect that as well.

I didn't use to be crabby, and I don't remember needing to express myself before. But then I once had a life of my own, which I seem to have lost in the process of birthing, nursing and raising three (terrific!) children